I am a processor. Whether internal or external, I process ideas, thoughts and happenings. I leave no thought stone unturned. I go deep like an auger past the surface and work diligently to get to the core or the “why” behind what I am wrestling with. Some may say I over-analyze. But maybe those are the people who like safety of the surface? Ha!
Being an analyzer in my business career has proven to be a helpful quality in problem solving and root cause analysis. This propensity to dig deep allows me to push through the roadblocks, and keep looking for answers when others say, “that will never work” or “that isn’t possible.” Analyzing leads to solutions.
Yet in the hard trials of life, like grief and loss, the constant analyzing has simply worn my heart and mind to pieces because there are no solutions to find. I have spent the last weeks thinking through and re-thinking about all the sights and sounds of the ICU, the conversations, the relational components, what I said or did, what I didn’t say or do. I think about the doctors, the nurses, the pain my brother walked through, and the heartache of a grieving family. To be quite raw and honest with you, my mind, the thoughts have not stopped.
I wish I could shut off the over-analyzer in me for the time being. But I have continued to ask God, what are you doing with me here? What are you doing in me as I wrestle so endlessly with these assessments of the last weeks and months?
I described to Marshall that my insides felt like the brewing of a storm. Lightning flashes, the ebb and flow of the treacherous tides, the fog of the storm clouds raging through my heart, emotions and thoughts. Though I knew God had peace available to me, I couldn’t seem to find it.
Two nights ago, I was at the point of total exhaustion. It was yet another night I could not sleep because of a steady flow of thoughts, snapshots, conversation and dreams. I got up and wrote down three pages of what was in my head. Before I fell asleep that night, I prayed, “God, I can’t keep doing this. I must get some sleep. Please help me sleep. Please give me strength and rejuvenate me with your presence.”
The next morning, I woke up and groggily walked downstairs to open my devotion and spend time with God. Do you know what verse He had prepared for me that morning?
He started my day with Isaiah 40:29, “He invigorates the exhausted. He gives strength to the powerless.” (CJB)
The Amplified Bible reads, “He gives power to the faint and weary, and to Him who has no might he increases strength [causing it to multiply and abound].”
He gives power to the faint. He invigorates the exhausted. He strengthens the powerless. He gives strength to the weak. He restores the weary. He refreshed the fatigued. He recharges those with no might. There is so much hope and so much promise in one small verse. That morning he gave me just what I needed. I needed to hear from Him that it was okay, that I was okay and that he had me.
I sat that morning and rejoiced in this promise of invigoration and strength.
Then, of course, my analyzing mind kicked in and I wondered why so many of us live our lives void of this promise. I wondered, why do we live in a constant state of exhaustion and fatigue. Why do we live weak? Why do we live weary? Why do live powerless? Why do we live without strength and without hope?
If we are honest, it is because we choose to live without relationship. We choose to live without the investment of time in cultivating a relationship with God. And therefore, we cannot cling to promises we do not know and have not read. This realization grieves my heart.
Why, you ask? I am not grieved out of judgmental spirit but out of a sincere understanding that when we choose “other things” over time with God, we are simply missing out.
We miss out on God’s best for us because we are “too busy” and can’t fit Him in? It seems so lame. Right?
I, for one, never want to miss out. I never want to miss a day or a moment of what he has prepared for me. It is too valuable. It is too life-giving. It is too abundant in hope and promise.
I urge you today, don’t miss out on what God has for you. This moment I had with God, where he gave me just what I needed by reading Isaiah 40:29, is not reserved for a few believers. God freely gives of himself to all and to anyone who chooses Him. He will give you just what you need, just as he did for me.
How can you, faint and weary one, allow God to fill you up? Give him your time, and he will do it. Lay down your burdens and lay hold his promises. They are for you!
Will you allow God to calm the raging storm in you? Will you allow God to give you strength for today? Will you allow him to invigorate you with his loving arms?
I want to share a song with you this week that Zach and I shared over the last few weeks of his life. It talks about the God who holds the stars in place is the same God who can calm the raging storm in me. Listen, and as you do allow God the opportunity to speak peace to your raging storm.